Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Clean, Efficient and Replenishable Energy!

So I'm sick today. I got a bad sore throat, an earache, and a headache that prevents me from using correct grammar, proper verb tense, and highly structured, non run-on sentences. I might even misspell something. Tough beans.

I went in to the office long enough to put out a few blazing fires, then left to come work from home in my jammies and fuzzy pink piggie slippers.

On the drive home, I'm listening to Glen Beck rant on the radio about energy sources, and how ethanol is not a good idea because then we're dependent on Africa, and nobody likes the wind turbines, and then this guy calls in and suggests we use candles as our main source of energy. I mean, really. Have you ever tried to type on a computer by candlelight?

So I got to thinking...here's a solution to our energy problems:

You know those old hand crank Victrolas, where you turn the crank for about 5 minutes and then the record plays for half an hour or so? What if we took that basic design but converted it to a stationary bicycle which would run an electrical generator. More energy for less cranking, and it's easier to pump with your legs than with your arms. Plus you won't build up those big bulky arm muscles that make all your shirts feel too tight.

Home owners could assign family members to take their turn on the Energy Bike. (Isn't that a catchy name?) Business owners could make a turn on the bike a part of their employees' job descriptions. And the President could pass a law that says in order to receive your monthly welfare check, you have to spend X number of hours pumping the government bike.

Just think--clean, efficient, replenishable energy; we're not dependent upon any outside country, but upon our own good citizens; and everyone loses weight to boot! Woo-hoo! Oh I suppose there will be some fat cats who choose to hire someone to take their turn on the Energy Bike, but we'll all know who they are because they'll be the only overweight people in the country. I think it's a staggeringly brilliant concept! (And if somebody acts on it, you owe me a royalty for the idea.)

What? I must have a fever? I don't think so!

And you know how no matter how much baking soda or orange peelings you dump down the garbage disposal, it always smells like sour milk and rotting vegetables? Well, I'm logging off now to work on a solution for that.


Anonymous said...

ha ha ha

G.Ellen said...

Great stuff. Why is it that when we're sick we sometimes have our most creative thoughts? grin. Get better soon!