Is mine writing (which I've dreamed of doing since I was 10)? Or is it polishing the writing of others? Is it teaching? Publishing and distributing? All of these things pull at my heart.
What if you think it is one thing and spend all your time and energy pursuing it, only to discover it was something else entirely? This question has plagued me for the past three years.
I want it to be writing. I want to write. But what if that is not what God wants me to do? What if He has something else in mind? This morning I prayed that God would help me to see clearly, to discover the answer of the measure of my personal creation.
I opened the book, Writing Alone & With Others by Pat Schneider, to work on my class assignment. This is the very first thing I read:
"Everyone is a writer. YOU ARE A WRITER. [emph. added]...
"When we write, we create, and when we offer our creation to one another, we close the wound of loneliness and may participate in healing the broken world. Our words, our truth, our imagining, our dreaming, may be the best gifts we have to give." (p. xix)
Many years ago when I was released from the position of YW president (working with teen girls in my church), my heart was sad and heavy because I loved working with the youth. I felt the Spirit comfort me and strongly witness to me that this was not the end of my interaction with the youth; that at the end of my life, when I look back the majority of my service would be spent with the youth, the teenagers.
That was nearly 20 years ago and I have not had a church calling to work with the youth since then. Sometimes I have wondered if I got it wrong, but no--that confirmation was so strong, I cannot doubt it, even as I grow older and the calling never materializes.
When I read that quote, following so immediately upon my prayers and thoughts on the measure of my creation, it was as if I'd been standing in a dark and empty stadium and suddenly the bright white lights had come on, illuminating the entire area.
What does my heart long to write?
Stories for teenagers!
Of the 20 or so novel outlines I have in my files, how many are YA?
What do my stories all have in common?
Themes of navigating the world with integrity; choosing the right no matter what; facing your fears, even if they may destroy you; learning to trust a "higher power" (even if it's a unicorn)!
Do you see where I'm going with this? The clues have been all around me for years, waiting for me to notice them.
I am a writer. That is the measure of my creation.
I write for youth--teens and young adults. That is my calling. (Not all callings come through the Church, perhaps the most important ones do not.)
When I have completed the stories bouncing around in my mind, it will represent my "life's work," the majority of it aimed at and written for teens, youth.
Now I have to go be flabbergasted for awhile.