Thursday, January 28, 2010

Learning to dance in the rain

Everything about my system is all discombobulated this week. Can't sleep. Can't eat. Can't think.

I'm blaming it on the chili dog I had on Monday. But it could just as well be the nasty cold weather and the inversion and the fact that except for a quick trip to Lehi on Monday, I haven't left my house in 9 days.

Or maybe that not leaving the house thing is a symptom and not a cause.


It's the end of January and I'm blue. This happens every. single. year. And it has happened every year for nearly thirty years. I discovered the pattern a long time ago when I found some old empty pill bottles and realized they'd all been prescribed on January 20-something for three years in a row. So then I went back and checked my journals. Yep. A pattern.

You'd think that after thirty years, I'd be ready for it but it always takes me by surprise.

This year, it's not quite as bad as usual. I think it's those new supplements I'm taking. But still. Here it is. If I had to boil it down to its essence, it's the "I'm a loser and my life sucks" mood, with today's particular version being the ever popular stinkin' thinkin' chorus of, "I have too much work and I can’t do it because it’s too hard and I’m a lousy editor, writer, typesetter and people will hate my work and not pay me and never use me again and hate me because I charged too much for nothing and I don't know why I bother because everything is too hard and it always takes longer and costs more than I expect it to and then it eventually fails anyway."

(Can you see why I have the Proud Drama Blogger award?)

I was talking to a friend this morning who gave me some words of wisdom—statements to combat and replace the dark ones that try to drag me into the abyss. They considerably improved my day. Maybe they'll help you too.
  • “Oh, you again.”

  • Success does not mean perfection! I don’t have to be perfect to be successful. My work doesn’t have to be perfect to be worthy of the hire.

  • If someone works long enough, they’ll get laid off or replaced. It happens to everyone.

  • Anyone with character will have people who don’t like them.

  • Everyone has critics. They crucified Christ and He was perfect.

  • Oh well, lots of people like me; sorry that you don’t.

And with that, I'm off to dance in my happy place.

Now playing on my iPod: I Gotta Feeling by Black Eyed Peas

(I love how that one girl in the front starts dancing and it spreads through the whole crowd; staged, yes, I know, but still, the concept is one I aspire to. I want to be a girl who starts people dancing.)


Kimberly Job said...

Just know there are some of us out here who think you are absolutely amazing and talented and aspire to be more like you. :)

Nichole Giles said...

You and me both, sister. Winter is not good for me. I do really well when I leave the icky-muckity-muck and go somewhere sunny. But come home and I really, seriously struggle to get out of bed in the mornings.

Only I haven't lived here thirty years. Only eighteen so far.. Good luck working through it.

Thanks for sharing your wisdom. Maybe I'll put my convertible top down tomorrow when it snows.


Suan said...

i get a little down myself...i think it's the lack of sun...and according to ryane i love the sun because my name is SUN with an A in it...anyway....have you ever thought of fake baking to get some sun???? the sun is so good for you (in moderation) maybe it would help...i would try it but i am too claustrophobic...hang in there spring is just around the corner :)

Tristi said...

I think you're downright amazing! So there!