Monday, September 19, 2011

Worst Movies Ever Blogfest

Alex J. Cavanaugh is hosting a blogfest today: Worst Movies Ever.

How could I not participate?

So a disclaimer here. First, I don't watch a lot of bad movies because now that movies cost as much as a car payment, I usually won't go see a new release unless someone I trust recommends it.

Second, I try to block bad movies and wasted life from my mind. So there may be some titles that are more deserving for this list, but I just can't remember what they are.

Third, I'm not including movies that I was forced to watch because of my kids. (Like Maid in Manhattan, Save the Last Dance, A Walk to Remember, and Kazaam.) This list contains movies that I thought I might like, but were sorely disappointing.

And last, I don't watch R rated movies. I'm sure if I did, my list would be much different.

So here we go, my top 10 worst movies in alphabetical order:

All About Steve (2009): Convinced that a CCN cameraman is her true love, an eccentric crossword puzzler trails him as he travels all over the country, hoping to convince him that they belong together.

Okay, by every objective standard, this was a terrible movie. The characters were stupid, the plot was lame, the dialog was cheesy.

But. Deep in my heart of hearts, I liked it. I couldn't help but admire her positive attitude. This is definitely my own personal cult-classic.

Apollo 18 (2011): Decades-old found footage from NASA's abandoned Apollo 18 mission, where two American astronauts were sent on a secret expedition, reveals the reason the U.S. has never returned to the moon.

Went to see this with my husband. The trailer looked good. I did not realize that THE ENTIRE MOVIE is filmed in that same grainy, jumpy footage format. The story is difficult to follow. There are plot holes bigger than moon craters. So many unanswered questions. And so, so stupid. 86 minutes of wasted life!

Battlefield Earth (2000): After enslavement & near extermination by an alien race in the year 3000, humanity begins to fight back.

I love John Travolta. I love science fiction. This ought to have been a perfect match for me.

NOT. I have tried to watch this movie multiple times and I just can. not. do. it.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992): A flighty teenage girl learns that she is her generation's destined battler of vampires.

Who's surprised to see this on my list? Buffy the Vampire Slayer (with Sarah Michelle Geller) is my all-time favorite TV series. I own the entire series on DVD and watch it over and over.

But this movie? Quite possibly THE worst movie ever.

Eragon (2006): In his homeland of Alagaesia, a farm boy happens upon a dragon's egg -- a discovery that leads him on a predestined journey where he realized he's the one person who can defend his home against an evil king.

Another potential favorite that just didn't do it.

Didn't like the book. Didn't like the movie. Have not been able to force myself to read/watch the entire thing.

The Mummy Returns (2001): The mummified body of Imhotep is shipped to a museum in London, where he once again wakes and begins his campaign of rage and terror.

I loved The Mummy. Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz had such spark together! But this sequel was awful—everything that I loved about the first movie was missing from this one. Ugh.

Night at the Museum 2 (2009): Security guard Larry Daley infiltrates the Smithsonian Institution in order to rescue Jedediah and Octavius, who have been shipped to the museum by mistake.

Another sequel gone bad. Loved the first one. Could hardly stay awake for this one. In fact, I think I may have had to leave the theater for a bathroom break during this movie. Twice.

O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000): Homer's epic poem "The Odyssey", set in the deep south during the 1930's. In it, three escaped convicts search for hidden treasure while a relentless lawman pursues them.

My husband loves this movie and watches it every time it comes on TV. But I just don't get it. It's stupid. And horrendously boring. And I've never been able to watch more than five minutes at a time.

Ultraviolet (2006): A beautiful hemophage infected with a virus that gives her superhuman powers has to protect a boy in a futuristic world, who is thought to be carrying antigens that would destroy all hemophages.

Another plot line that should have been awesome and it just — wasn't. It was disconnected. It never clearly explained enough backstory for you to understand what was going on. And that kid in the briefcase was just weird. I loved how her hair changed color, though. That was cool.

Wild, Wild West (1999): The two best hired guns in the West must save President Grant from the clutches of a 19th century inventor-villain.

Loved the original series. Love Will Smith (even in Hancock). Love Kevin Kline.

Hated this movie. It just went on and on and on and... well. And I can never understand what Selma Hayek is saying—in any movie she's in.

What's on your list of Worst Movies Ever?


Nanakat said...

Have to think about that for a while, but off the top of my head, I'd vote for ATOR THE FIGHTING EAGLE as a really stupid, poorly done CONAN ripoff. I don't even remember the plot--all I remember is one particularly stupid line.

I agree with you about OH BROTHER WHERE ART THOU? Say what? Huh?

Of the others you listed, I've only seen BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER which, I agree is pretty bad, but I thought it was funny. No interest in seeing it again, though.

And thanks for the warning about the rest of them. If I think of any others that I've actually managed to see, I'll comment again.

Patricia Stoltey said...

The only one of yours I've seen is O Brother, Where Art Thou? I guess I like the weird stuff, because I would actually choose to see it again....or maybe I just like George Clooney a lot. :)

Stephen Tremp said...

We both have Battlefield Earth, which so far seems to be the leading Stinker of a movie today.

Laughing Ferret said...

I can see how 'O Brother' would be a love it or head scratch it movie. For me I love it. The dialogue and delivery is great. "I'm not sure that's Pete." ..the fact that *sure* is in there is brilliant.

Wild Wild West: it has a steam punk giant spider, so that helps, but I abhor the gratuitous rap song for the credits. I can accept a steam spider in the old west sooner than rap.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Battlefield Earth made my list and Wild Wild West almost did!
Thanks for participating in the blogfest. Sorry you had to endure Apollo 18. After three delays, I knew it would be bad.

Pat Tillett said...

I totally agree with your list! EXCEPT... I LOVED Brother, Where Art Thou! I'm sure that says something about me.

Jennie Bailey said...

I was not as put off by The Mummy Returns as I was by the third one. That was just one too far. I'm with Laughing Ferret and Patricia on O Brother. While it's not one of my favorites, I did enjoy it!

Chippy said...

The first Mummy film was better than the sequel... although I think the sequel is better than the third one - they replaced Rachel Weisz!

And as a Buffy fan I was never interested in watching the film - didn't look much good